Sometimes, you look at something and wonder how clever nature really is. If she wasn't, why would she create such a beautiful fall in the North Americas? The places that are preparing themselves for almost six months of frigid cold could do with a picturesque mental image of the fall. Then there's the summer Gulmohars in hot, tropical countries. It would be an understatement to say that sighting a bright Gulmohar tree in bloom speaks to my soul. I started driving recently, after a long break. I never liked driving but now that I am getting better at it, I don't mind driving. One of the most distracting things on the road these days are these bright orange trees, drooping with blossoms, making themselves so unabashedly attractive when they are surrounded by so many ugly things (such as, college kids with headphones, on a motorbike!!). Some are spread out like an orange canopy, some, like happy couples holding hands high up for all of us to pass through a colorful tunnel. Some are single, standing upright, looking successful.

 The Australian Jacarandas used to remind me of Gulmohars in India, especially near Kolhapur. Now, the Indian trees remind me of Australia. Getting out of the city bus, trying to fight the monsters in my head on my way home, the purple trees would have an amazingly relaxing effect on me. It is a mixture of nostalgia and your incense-burning-hippie-yoga-genes perhaps. But more than that, I think it is wonder. As a kid I used to wonder if I could tie a swing to that tree. As an adult I wonder how, even though I have so many other fascinating technological distractions, these trees still manage to captivate my mind. I think my wonder has grown up too, but I am so glad that I can still feel it.

There are places in your mind where no one can really go. When I was alone for  long periods of time, I used to stay in those places all the time. But as you get surrounded by people, escaping into those places gets a bit challenging. Looking at these trees, instantly takes me back to those happy places of solitude. There is some sort of deep rooted comfort in observing how nature operates the Universe. How, she has accommodated human avarice and wastefulness. She does her best to maintain harmony and balance, even when her problem child is out to destroy her treasures. Then there is also comfort in knowing that everything, at some point, is going to die. It will be recycled as carbon, phosphorous and calcium, but there is a certain peacefulness in knowing that we won't come back in the same form, ever again. So all this running around, getting breathless over things out of your control, hoarding stuff, all of this, can stop. The purpose of life is to have a good time, with the people who choose to be with you in this moment. Who knows what happens tomorrow?

The misgivings of virtual citizens

The part I hated the most about not being in India, was being a part of this group of "virtual citizens". It was a group of people with a lot of concern for India and India's development, expressing it constantly on social networking websites. We witnessed a lot of  "middle class" revolutions in the past five years, the most prominent was the agitation against corruption led by Anna Hazare (calculated and controlled by Arvind Kejriwal). As this revolution degenerated into the chaotic Aam Aadmi Party, it left me wondering if this chaos truly represents the confused supporters of the movement, all the Facebook tigers, spread into different corners of the world and trying to be passionately Indian.

They are the kind of people we really do need back home.

They read a lot. So they have a lot to say in an argument. They instigate debates by posting their political opinion online and then spend a lot of their productive work time in replying to the comments. It is as if they know their country better than people who queue up to exercise their right to vote. And even if close to a billion people bring a leader into power, somehow it is not the right choice, because they didn't make it. They are outraged that the governments that they want to see in power are never elected by the nation. Sometimes, when they actually agree with the ballot, they spend a lot of time justifying the outcome to their opponents. But all of them, however well read and  well established they are, are still virtual citizens who do not vote. I wrote a similar post during my "NRI days". I have done all of this. Towards the end of my stay, I was left with a debilitating sense of hopelessness. Trapped in an eddy of labels and name calling -- radical Hindu, pseudo-liberal, pseudo-secular, communal, left-leaning, newspaper bias, cronyism, nepotism and many others.

Although voting in Loksabha elections 2014 did give me a sense of purpose and usefulness, I have come to realize a much harsher reality. That virtual citizens, with their extremely loud media presence, are still a fractional minority in this giant exercise of voting in a new Prime Minister. The overwhelming majority still, are the people who are voting for concrete roads, water & electricity. Women voting to stop their daily hikes to get clean water for their family, and people who are eager to get out of debt and poverty. We are still not done solving farmers' problems, we are still not finished with the exploitation of the poor by money lenders. We still struggle with educating girls and providing them with better (and safe) sanitation, provided they make it into this world dodging the illegal use of ultrasounds. 

I realized how out-of-place and uprooted I was when I followed the 2012 presidential elections in the United States. I read every single Op-ed written on Romney and Obama. I watched the debates like I used to watch tennis grand slams. I understood what America was seeking as a nation. Healthcare, women's issues, budget crises and all of that! But I couldn't even play a tiny role in choosing the leader of the country of my residence. Then I realized that I am equally well informed about Indian politics, but I haven't really been a "practicing" Indian citizen for more than five years.

I don't really support Modi. I have never agreed with the BJP ideology. But when I see non-resident academics writing "open letters" to convey their apprehension over a Modi victory, it angers me. So does a country like the United States being "concerned" about the rise of a "communal" leader. I think the "War on Terror" was more communal than anything India has ever witnessed. Such condescension comes with an assumption that belonging to a developed country or having high academic credentials gives you a better judgement. But the most important quality you need, to choose your leader, is not intelligence. It is the act of being a present citizen. And if a Modi government comes to power, it would be a result of a billion present citizens queuing up to cast their votes. And in this system, being there is more useful (and respectable) than having a lot to say, from far away.

The Men Who Made Us Fat (& Thin)

           I stumbled upon two brilliant documentaries on BBC. The Men Who Made Us Fat, talks about the invasion of the food industry and related corporations into our lives. Men Who Made Us Thin, shows us how these same corporations systematically introduced "diet food" to us.

             The core argument in the first documentary is whether the food industry should take any responsibility for the bulging waistlines all over the world. For that, the industry has a simple answer. Weight gain is caused when the intake of calories is significantly more than the consumption of calories in human body. Therefore, it is completely under a person's control what size he or she wants to be. However, it is interesting to see how the opinions of current food industry employees and the ex-employees differ in their attitudes towards this same issue. The problem is not just that people are consuming more. It is also the fact that they are being bombarded with unnecessary sugar. In burger buns, in preserved meat, in ketchup and in seemingly benign food stuffs such as yogurts and breakfast cereals. The rampant use of sugar and salt is not because it is nutritionally necessary, but to enhance taste, and add an element of addiction to the food. Sugar and salt are also cheap substitutes for ingredients that need special care and expense during transportation such as, fresh vegetables & fruit. Sugar and salt are easy to buy and store. They do not rot and neither do they need too much attention. It is ultimately an "industry" we are dealing with. Their final goal is never "nutrition for all", it is always profit. Taking your food into your own hands, literally, is the only lasting solution.

                   The Men Who Made Us Thin, on the other hand, left me a bit pissed off! I can deal with not eating fast food as a personal responsibility. But the diet industry, which is selling us thousands of low-fat products, has actually actively manipulated with our understanding of how these products work. In one of the parts of this documentary, you can see how when the federal government ordered a probe into the diets of the average American, their findings were recklessly suppressed. The report squarely put the blame on too much fat & sugar (as it should be). However, the sugar lobby pressured the government to exclude sugar from the conclusion and a new breed of "low fat" products was born. Products which contained no fat, but a crazy load of sugar. Also amusing are the findings of the experts who have proved that diets don't work. Especially diets that are crazy or extreme. They work short term and people get back to what they used to eat. Invariably, people who diet for short periods of time tend to gain back all they lost (&more), in the next two years. This yo-yo effect is exactly what the diet industry feeds off. There is tempting fast food on one hand and then there are diets. People are thrown from one to the other and that's how both industries are thriving.

                 The third and perhaps the most disturbing factor that comes into play when our bodies are under scrutiny, is the media. The perception of what is considered attractive has been shoved down our throats. And somehow, fat is an unnecessary synonym for poor health as well as unattractiveness. Both are extremely harsh and uneducated conclusions. Yes, morbidly obese people do face a significant health risk. But people who are between 25 and 27 BMI (which includes about 2/3rds of the US population, and very likely, about 25 % of the Indian population) are not always susceptible to the same risks. Being overweight is not necessarily risking poor health. Neither is being overweight equal to being ugly or unattractive. The above clip is especially infuriating. Venice A. Fulton, has published a notoriously famous book titled, "six weeks to OMG - get skinnier than all your friends", targeted at teenage girls. Before we start becoming health conscious and change our diets, it is also important to understand that being overweight is okay. It is not the end of the world. And our identities cannot be linked to our BMIs.

                  I have always been overweight. I was an overweight teenager and for most of my adult life, I have been overweight for a longer time than I was the right weight. The only negative effect I have suffered of being around six to ten kilos overweight has been emotional. I am a perfectly healthy person, who exercises daily and who is mindful of what she eats. The only weak link between my body and my confidence is how I  feel about it. I wasted a lot of my early twenties trying to match up to the Western standard of "bikini beauty". That goal was not just unreachable for someone who was trying to work on a PhD, it was also unsustainable and completely stupid. It is not until I went to the U.S., and met one of my very close friends Elodie, that I realized that I was chasing the wrong dream. Every continent comes with a body type. While Indian women might worry about not having washboard abs, white women worry about premature ageing. African women want to have better hair and Asian women waste a lot of time with eye make up. The truth is, all of us, all countries included are just fine.

               For inspiration, I always run to the art of the famous Indian painter Raja Ravi Varma. His paintings of Indian women from different regions are exquisite. And the best thing about his art is that these women are  not photoshopped. Here's my favorite: Maharashtrian Lady. 

Sometimes, I overwhelm myself by reading too much "love-your-body" stuff. But in my constant self-therapy, I have learned one thing - that people very rarely see us as objectively as we see ourselves. And if there is anyone in this world who makes you feel sorry for your face or your body, you should first stand up to them and then kick them our of your life. It is not just a body or a face. It is vehicle for your spirit, your energy, your creativity and all the knowledge you have gathered walking through life. We should all always keep that in mind and nourish ourselves, body & soul!

           

Queen

It's been ages since I logged into blogger! I was busy getting married, then setting up the new house and trying to get back to work. But the first thing I want to do is ask everybody to watch Queen. :)
I caught up on a  lot of movies and a few books in the past few months. But Queen is definitely worth writing down about.

It is a story of a small town girl who goes to Paris, alone, on her honeymoon. Her fiance dumps her last minute and after gathering herself up from the shock, she decides that she still wants to go on her honeymoon. Even if it is all by herself. :)

Although the general direction the movie takes is light and funny, there are some intensely poignant moments -- some with the potential of making you sniffle. :'(
I sat through it reliving my own travels & journeys, shedding tears every now and then, next to my slightly bewildered husband.

However different the circumstances may be, when we step out into the big bad world on our own, we all share the feelings of fear, excitement and the thrill of being anonymous and away from people who might control, or judge us. Suspended between two worlds, people often become less judgmental of others' actions or their ways of life. We tend to be more accepting of human beings when we are in transit. All of this is beautifully presented by Vikas Bahl and effortlessly executed by Kangna Ranaut. She plays the part like she was made for this film. You completely forget the Kangna you saw in Fashion, or the Kangna you come across, dressed in ultra chic clothes, on Page 3.

The story goes along two lines. The first one is Rani's opening up to happiness again after a sudden change of plans. The second, her gradual discovery of who she is and what she wants. The first one is fairly instant but the movie ends on a note where you realize that her self-discovery has just begun. What makes you tear up (or rather made me tear up), are these moments when you know what it feels like -- to board a plane alone, leaving behind family at the airport, to be a complete stranger in a new place, to get over your inhibitions in a hurry, just to survive in a foreign land.

The only other thing as urgent as watching this film would be to listen to the sound track. Just like Kagna, it seems, Amit Trivedi has also given his soul to the music of this film. I was wowed by his clever use of Sitar, not just in the songs, but also in the background score. The background score is so good that it manages to distract you from the movie sometimes. :)

I am so glad that Anurag Kashyap is making box office hits now. I think this is exactly the kind of cinema that everybody needs. Something that is not just all out entertaining. Something that comes with a soul, a seed that would make you reflect.


Here's my favorite song from the movie -- 'Kinare'

There's treasure everywhere!

I was going to read A Suitable Boy, by Vikram Seth, along with my best friend. She finished it but it never happened for me. I couldn't take the time to finish my 50 pages per day target. I didn't even make it to the first 200. It is a sad situation, considering there was a time when we used to finish books like Gone With The Wind together, during our school vacations. Unfinished books tend to nag a lot. And often, ditching a book to read another, halves the joy of reading both. 

After being sad about it for a little while, I began to wonder how come I don't read books but I don't get that "empty" feeling, which you get after a prolonged period of being too busy with work or other things. The reason, I found out, was that I tend to read a lot online. In fact, I have some Internet haunts where I am remarkably regular. I miss these sites when I am too busy and I make sure I visit as soon as I get some free time. 

Starting on a rather frivolous note, I am a big fan of Suri's Burn Book  The author of this blog pretends to be Suri Cruise and has an opinion on all the other celebrity kids. It is refreshingly funny, considering you always imagine coming it out of a nine year old. Then there is Psychology Today. I started reading this magazine when I was trying to understand the issues related to body image and stress in women. I have long abandoned that research after having read almost everything I could get my hands on but the source has stayed with me. I enjoy reading their take on the role of social media in relationship psychology. Slate is another haunt that keeps me occupied, especially the column "Dear Prudence", written by Emily Yeoffe. 

Brain Pickings is another blog I read and share a lot. I like their short videos like this one, about the origin of the Universe. Then there is TED. I love TED. I not only follow the new talks on TED, but I also go back to my old favorites every now and then. I was introduced to positive psychology on TED. These talks have led me to read books and blogs that have actually changed the way I think over the past few years. The fear of failing is not as stifling as it used to be earlier. There is also a greater sense of 'contentment' which was missing in my early twenties. It could be due to many reasons, but when it comes to work and working with others, I follow these rules of making people happy in the NOW rather than pressuring them with time lines. 

I read an awful amount of comics online. Calvin & Hobbes and Cyanide & Happiness are a part of my regular reading diet. Oatmeal, indexed and xkcd are also really tempting time wasters. I love the Colbert Report. It is something I started watching regularly during my post-doc. 

But listing all of this is no reason not to read old fashioned three dimensional books. I am still a loser in that race with my friend. So I better log off and read. :) 

Let's cry foul!

I have been following the Devayani Khobragde drama with much interest for the past couple of days. To be honest, I really wanted to convince myself that America's to blame here. So I was trying to find anything even remotely factual that supported my prejudice. I have seen  how American visa procedures are unnecessarily strict when it comes to certain professions and passports. Your nationality influences the ease with which you get professional opportunities in the US. Since I had a personal grudge against the US Department of Immigration, I really wanted this to go against them.

Take a look at this . It is an account of all allegations against her. It is clear from this report that not only did she commit a false salary on paper, that too on somebody else's visa application, but also made the applicant lie to the consular officers. If the diplomat herself does not take home $4500, how on earth does she write that figure on her nanny's visa application?

Now take a look at this. Indian software corporation, Infosys, has also been recently accused of widespread visa abuse. In a nutshell, Infosys employees traveling on a B1/B2 visa, which is strictly for non-business purposes, were regularly conducting business in the US. This was also a well planned exercise where the employees were taken into confidence about the "arrangement". They lied to the consular officers about the purpose of their travel. Infosys ended up paying $34 million as settlement. All of this came to light because of an American employee who acted as a whistle blower.

Unfortunately, I have seem many anecdotal examples of  maids and nannies traveling from India on a B1/B2 visa being passed off as a "visiting relative". They all are paid in the form of  plane tickets and an "Indian salary" deposited in their banks back home. The legal/work status of an Indian domestic help in the US is none of  "our" business as long as all parties involved are okay with it (and we are served hot pakoras when it is snowing outside). BUT when a dispute occurs and the reality comes to surface, as Indians with "dignity" we have no right to cry foul. We should own up and go to jail with dignity.

I think it is only fair that an Indian diplomat is being tried in a US court for a malpractice that so many wealthy NRIs conduct shamelessly. Their "rationalization" is that Indian nannies would never earn Rs. 30000 a month in India. So for them, it is a good opportunity to make money. Or, in case they are on dependent visas without the appropriate work permit, then paying them $1000 for something that would get them $4000 with the proper permit, is considered 'helping them'. Needless to say, these workers never pay taxes, never get the benefits such as health insurance and, if they are caught taking care of someone else's child without the proper authorization, they could face an extremely harsh sentence in a foreign country (their employer included).

Leaving aside the India-US diplomatic association and the fact that the US does not always have same rules for everyone, there is also a need to introspect why we do this. Why is the allure of having a nanny, or a maid at home to cook for us, stronger than the consequences one could face if it is done by flouting the rules of the land. Don't we get furious when illegal immigrants from Bangladesh work in our country for a lesser pay than Indian workers? And if we cannot afford help at the prescribed minimum wage rates, there is a simple solution that many middle class Americans follow - DO IT YOURSELF! You cannot have the best of both worlds on your own terms wherever you travel!

Cloudy with a chance of joy

We have all heard that one comment from the opponent in a fight - "It is always about YOU! YOUR feelings! What YOU want!". But fights usually happen, to begin with, because both sides are equally focused on themselves. This was about conflict. Let's try feeling blue. I am not saying feeling depressed, because that could be clinical and completely out of the sufferer's control. I am talking about the pensive brooding about ourselves that we so often escape into. Who we think we are and how that does not match with what others think of us. Or the defiant, stubborn voice inside us, which suppresses all compassionate openness that our minds are willing to have, but unwilling to apply, at the same time.

Now, let's try feeling happy. Sometimes, we get so carried away with our own personal milestones that we completely forget that we are surrounded by others. Then happiness starts feeling a bit weird, because we want to extend it long after the applause dies down. People have an amazing ability to move on with their lives when your happiness is in no way, connected to them. That is why every now and then we have to take the painful decision, of taking a break from making the perpetual FB scrapbook about our happiness, and actually put our hands together for someone else! It sucks. But if you don't clap for me, I won't clap for you either. :)

When you think of how self-destructive your thoughts about yourself could be, be it in conflict, sadness or even happiness, you realize why so many people run towards meditation. And then if you retrace your life, you realize why you were so much happier when you were a kid. As kids, we all had the ability to "get lost" in things that were outside the sphere of our identity. Such as? Such as watching clouds float by! Wasn't that something all of us did? I still do it. That is why I love this talk and go back to it again and again. What is it about watching clouds or watching the night sky that is so soothing?
I used to go to work at 6:30 in the morning and see the sun rise from behind fluffy clouds. More than the sunrise, I loved the sunsets in the Midwest. The confused, pink sky, full of scrambled clouds somehow puts our entire existence in perspective. Then all our sorrows and joys that are purely attached to our identity seem trivial. But things like your best friend sitting next to you watching the sunset don't! In fact, sunsets have an incredible ability of making you grateful for your friendships. :)

I think watching clouds also has the power to make you feel grateful for what you have. Even if it is just being alive, in that very moment. Or being grateful just for the instinct that made you look up 180 degrees from your phone, into the sky. I think cloud watching, is really the first step towards meditation.