Monday, April 30, 2007

When Radio Meets Cell Phone. :)

The Radio and the Cell Phone service providers are now married to each other.
One of the most exasperating things about the Radio is the preposterous SMS contests they come up with.
Like one day the peppy Radio Jockey started a contest that made people choose which planet Pune resembled to out of the three options
(Yes, and he said “planets” and included Moon in it!)
And supposedly the popular (and predictable) choice was Moon because of the potholes on Pune’s roads.
Then there is this “Home-maker special” at around 11 AM that is called “khoobsurat”
Where the chirpy RJ asks listeners to take part in contests related to beauty IQ
Like “ What from these three options makes your hair shinier”
3.Egg White
And then they keep repeating the question throughout the program in their fake chirpy voice. Imagine pouring a can of kerosene on your scalp!
I always wonder who responds to such questions and when I realize that someone always does I choose to believe that they prefer being pathetic than not being the fiftieth desperate person competing for two couple tickets to an equally low budget movie.
I mean what is so honorable about answering such questions and winning a ticket?
Besides even if you do win it, the radio people make you travel to their faraway office to collect it and then you drive to the cinema which is like the other end of the city from the radio office. I guess it would be easier to just go to the cinema and book two tickets with all your self-respect intact than showing the world that you are aware about the conditioning characteristics of egg whites.

They even host polls!
By what year do you think Salman Khan will go completely bald?
D.Cannot Decide
I mean, give me a break! People should be more concerned about the hair on their own respective heads. They pay thrice the amount required for a normal SMS to answer such pointless polls. What is with the “cannot decide” option? What do they do with the database of people who are in two minds about the exact prediction of Salman Khan’s baldness?

When they are not making up contests that always seem to defy logic, they play Himesh Reshammiya every thirty minutes. If you try to switch the channel you get Himesh bhai at every alternate station.
You have the option of making every new song your dialer tone (This is a novel concept where instead of the usual ring-ring people get to listen to a song when they call you. With due respect to Sai baba bhajans sung by Anoop Jalota, Sanskrit Couplets in Lata Mangeshkar’s voice, Mind Numbing Rock songs and all the omnipresent nasal Nusrat Fateh Ali khan sound-alikes, ring-ring sounds much more melodious sometimes.:P)

It is like the Radio no longer plays for the common man.
It plays for the film producers who get us close to nausea playing their mediocre albums over and over two weeks before the movie starts showing.
It plays for Supermarkets with surreptitious discount schemes
It plays for the cell phone companies that make idiots out of innocent customers
It plays for wannabe RJs who dream of sitting inside the cool studio wearing donut shaped headphones
Sometimes when you think of a song and like telepathy, the radio plays it out the next moment! I used to savor such moments but with this new generation of avaricious and exceedingly daft radio stations I don’t find an intuitive connection with the Radio anymore. =(

Friday, April 27, 2007

Perennial Light

Darkness is just the absence of Light
It cannot come on its own
It has to wait for the Sun to climb down the Horizon
And then it gets to Rule
At the mercy of the Sun
A little longer in the cold Winters
And a little less in the warmer Summers
It can overwhelm, mislead and paralyze
But only until Light returns.

PS: This is the result of a very long association with Osho books written on the principles of an ancient Indian erudite, mystic and philosopher Patanjali.
Oh yeah, and for all those who think I cannot keep it short, “=P” this is for you.
And with that, I have managed to completely ruin my “spiritual aura” :)

Monday, April 23, 2007

How I read A Painting.

This is a painting by one of my very good friends Neha. I believe that paintings are like books. This is an Abstract so I have made an effort to read it using my pitiful knowledge of Art and my profound perception :P
I congratulate her for getting out masterpieces one after the other.=)

This Painting is aptly called Rhythm.
It uses vibrant colors together to create a symphony.
It is warm, happy and upbeat and when she painted it she must have been in a very happy state of mind ( I know this from before =P She had just fallen in love)
It reflects natural balance,music and happiness.
We find similar association of distinct yet different elements coming together and making something better and beautiful around us.

This made me think of a really strong woman. With many different states of mind coming together to make her irresistible.
There is this arch in the center that made me think of Hobbes. As it looks like a tiger's tail. =) So I found it a little eccentric as well.
Like a brown paper bag full of candies and chocolates. When you reach for one inside you never know what might come out. Dark chocolate,tangy candy or a snicker bar!
Unpredictable and irresistible just like a continuous quartet!

Hats off to you Nuts! =)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Boredom! :)

Why do we get bored?
I guess every second someone across this lopsided world must be saying “Jeez! I am bored!”
It is such a common feeling happening to every race and every age group with the same frustrating intensity. Like Love, Boredom triggers off the same chemicals inside every human brain and even when they say it in a hundred different languages, they mean the same thing. I am bored.

Like when you call those call centers because your broadband doesn’t work and they ask you to press everything from one to nine. Then they put you on an automated “Your call is important to us. Please wait, you will be attended shortly” and promote their other (inefficient) services while you draw doodles on a scrapbook. It is so boring. It sets my heart rate to the lowest ever. Even meditation fails to have that kind of effect on me.
What is the point in telling someone that their call is important to you while you make them hold the line for half an hour?
It is like an unfaithful husband telling his wife that he loves her while he is getting sun tanned in Hawaii with his secretary.

Or sometimes when you watch Jennifer Aniston or Kareena Kapoor with long, streaked tresses and you suddenly make up your mind about having that kind of hair on your shoulders. You imagine how you would accessorize it, wear invisible plastic clips or just mess it up sometimes for that out-of-bed-look. The moment it reaches my shoulders I get bored. I don’t know the reason but it never goes beyond that! All my fantasies are always chopped off as my talkative hairdresser talks about Indian Classical Music.

Then we have those 24X7 news channels. All their frenzy has the exact opposite effect on me. I get bored. They are so desperate for news; sometimes I think they create news by paying people who want to make a few easy bucks. They would have a correspondent covering a dying dog on a crossroad and the whole country would know about it. They would zoom in on it’s emaciated body and ribcage and the channel will observe a minute of silence for the dog’s well being but no one will pick it up and take it to a veterinarian or even leave it alone to die on its own. I guess they should not commit 24 hours of news. How can you expect something interesting to happen all the time? Then no one would ever get bored. =)

Going to the bank is boring. Waiting outside public toilets in cinemas is boring. Waiting for people who show up late and are not guilty about it is boring. Women in their fifties talking about osteoporosis is boring. Men’s talking about the share market over a glass of whiskey is boring. Adamant French restaurants serving people who cannot understand a word of French is boring.
I am just glad I wrote all this down. =)
It puts my life in a better perspective!

Saturday, April 14, 2007


Silence is so beautiful
White, Blue and cold
So maidenly so quite
Mysterious, untold!
Beyond Time
Beyond Age
Like a perpetual child
About to burst into a ringing laugh
But tamed for a while
Can you guard her from Anguish?
Or a stillborn Fear
Can you offend her icy dignity?
By shedding a transient tear?
She is so charming when she settles down
And takes possession of your mind
Cleans all the dirty cabinets
And leaves the clutter behind
She fills every empty space with nothing
And takes away all your toys
Lets you cry, makes you sigh
And you close your eyes.
Then nothing really matters
It is just you and her together
Without a sentence, without a word
You begin talking to each other
I hate throwing stones in the Lake
And I think so does She
For I keep straightening the House
And She straightens Me.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Story of Pi,Belle and Dusky. =)

For a long time, I wished to write something that would amuse kids. I think keeping kids interested in a story is one of the most difficult tasks and only someone like J.K Rowling can do that so consistently. Anyway this is my mediocre attempt at a kid story. I promise I will improve.
..And I request you to read it just as a kid would, for there is nothing to be read between the lines. =)

In the midst of lush green valleys there was a quite village called Khatapeeta. It was full of families that earned money from farming. Everyone lived on a farm that was looked after by all the members of the family. Sometimes they planted sugarcane and sometimes potatoes and onions.
A farmer called Ata owned one such pretty farm. He planted tomatoes in his farm one season and took care of them the way he took care of his daughters. He watered the plants and watched out for any bugs that might feast on the leaves. He walked through the farm and bent down now and then to check if his crop was healthy. The young saplings relished the bright sunlight and water and tiny tomatoes appeared on every plant. Ata was delighted. As days passed, the tomatoes ripened and turned glossy red in color. Belle, Pi and Dusky were three little tomatoes growing on a tree. Pi was full and round, and growing fat with every can of water going into the soil. Belle was dainty, somewhat pale and green. She took her own time and grew up slowly like a little wiggly caterpillar. Dusky was dark red. He was quick to get angry so he ended up being redder than the other two.
The three tomatoes swayed with the moist wind and the tree drooped, as they got chubbier.

The whole farm was full of ripe red dots when Ata decided to sell his produce. He plucked the tomatoes gingerly and arranged them in open baskets made of bamboo. Pi, Belle and Dusky were put in the same basket. Pi was happy that he got to roll over a lot of other tomatoes and make them scream for help, while Belle was busy avoiding other ripe tomatoes asking her to accompany them when the truck came to a halt. Dusky was furious about the treatment they all were being given. He did not like the basket, the truck or the way they were plucked and sent off. The truck set out to the big market in the neighboring town. They all bumped into each other as the truck began turning and everyone became merry except Dusky. He just turned redder.

They were all unloaded in front of a grumpy vendor. He told Ata that there were a lot of fresh tomatoes in the market already and no one cared for his lot much. After a lot of talking, they both agreed on the money and Ata left his produce with the vendor. He looked around to say good-bye and let out a sigh before getting into the truck.
As soon as the truck left, the grumpy vendor hurriedly arranged all of them in a triangular heap. Pi, Belle and Dusky were taken apart. They occupied three different corners of the heap. As the Sun came up, the market became crowded with three wheelers and people walking about. The Pizza guy picked up Belle along with some other crunchy tomatoes. She said adieu with a heavy heart and was carelessly thrown in a basket full of tomatoes inside a tiny truck. The pizza guy came back after a while with yellow bell peppers and crisp baby corns. There was a small commotion as each one demanded his own space but Belle became good friends with everyone immediately.
Dusky flushed all the more when he realized that his sister was taken away. The Ketchup guy noticed him. He picked Dusky and asked the vendor to give him similar looking tomatoes. They all were hurriedly taken to the ketchup factory.
Pi rolled about for a while, making fun of the thinner tomatoes. A small woman with a hyperactive kid came by and picked up Pi. He went into a wire basket that already contained pale cucumbers, pink carrots and fresh strawberries. Pi was delighted to meet them.

The next day, Belle was sliced up into tiny ringlets along with all her best friends for a Veggie Supreme. They liked all of it till they were laid out on circular bread smeared with sauce. Then two fat hands held a shredder on top and all the vegetables including Belle were covered with a blanket of sticky Cheese. They all were then sent to a hot oven where the Cheese oozed into the pores of their skin and made them blend into the thick bread. The crunchy bell peppers, baby corns and black olives were all covered with the oppressive cheese. Then they were put on a pan and served with cola. Belle was sad at being turned into small ring on a cheesy pizza. She went down the food pipe of an eleven year old and was followed by a wave of cola.
Dusky was thrown into a hot water kettle in the ketchup factory along with his mates and boiled for an awfully long time. They all felt hot and Dusky could not get any redder. Then they were poured into a big blender along with spices and preservatives that made the tomatoes wrinkle their noses. Dusky was angry as usual. After a while he was poured into a plastic bottle and a machine arm sealed the bottle with a cap. Dusky was out in the market dressed as tomato ketchup.
Pi spent two days in the refrigerator. He made friends with the watermelon, who was almost ten times as big as he was and perfectly round. He also made friends with a carrot. However he found the cucumber very boring. Pi was happy to be inside. It was cool and clean. Two days later, he was put into a blender along with mint, sugar, salt and ice. He went round and round till he could not see the mint or the ice anymore. All he could see was his own red self. He felt very proud and a little dizzy. He was poured into a tall glass and two leaves of mint were placed on top for decoration. He realized that he was no longer as round as he used to be but he liked the glass very well. He overheard the small lady calling out for the hyperactive kid. He heard her dainty voice; “ Here is something to get you going. Lots of potassium for your running race” and the kid gulped the glass down and went out running!
The three tomatoes from Ata’s farm, turned into three different foods!! So think of Pi, Belle and Dusky next time you have a slice of pizza with ketchup or tomato juice! =D

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Anna Karenina

10 reasons why everyone should read Anna Karenina

1.It talks about the invisible lines we cross, the invisible lines we create and the lines we draw just ahead of us with our Egos when we want to escape unpleasant situations

2.It talks about the perpetual icy frost that covers our minds. That holds us back from saying what we want to, doing what we must and accepting people irrespective of the situations they create.

3.It talks about dysfunctional institutions that create dysfunctional minds. It covers everything from Communism to Marriage.

4.It talks about the Lifecycle of Grief. Right from its conception to the point where it is conquered by an intelligent mind

5.It talks about the healing power of creative solitude. When the mind analyzes sadness with a calm and impartial authority and devises ways to come over it by taking up something beyond the trivialities.

6.It talks about the offenses that cannot have a punishment but cause torments that go beyond comprehension

7.It talks about different minds in similar situations, each one giving a different reaction

8.Though written in the 1800s, it proves to us that the basic malice and kindness that drives the human minds is still the same. We still cross the same invisible lines, but we have conveniently extended the boundaries of our vileness.

9.It shows us that even mistakes can be handled with dignity

10.It has names like Kostya, Mishka, Laska and Frou-Frou, which I found really amusing and incredibly cute.