Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Research Research!!

As my readers must have noticed, there is a pronounced spiritual influence in my writing over the last few months. I was a bit upset about this turn and scared of getting my readers bored but I realized that there is a reason for this sudden hypsochromic shift .
Research does that to you. It is funny how getting a research degree can make you turn into a completely different person.
Behind every positive result, there are at least about a dozen negative results and failures. These include everything from old instruments to forgetful administrative staff. Behind every experiment there is a long painful wait either for chemicals or reaction conditions.
So at the end of a particularly "bad results" week you find yourself asking the same set of questions that you did the last time you went through bad results.
1) Why am I here?
2) Would it be better if I were in India doing a job and getting married?
3) Why do I wake up early and walk so much if I am not certain of positive results?
4) Is this floating around like a cloud my destiny?
5) When will I get a job that lets me get a taxi whenever I feel like?
6) Life can be so easy and so difficult at the same time!
7) Should I just take a break this weekend so that I turn a bit more positive?
8) Am I over rating myself when I think that I can finish this well?
10) I haven't seen aai-baba and ajji in such a long time!
11) I wish I were in India right now!

Some days this goes on all day. Every solution you make has the potential of being dangerously lined with your tears and exactly at that point, you get a really good result. You get something that you can almost see printed proudly in your thesis and the day turns around for you. It happens at such a right time that there is no denying that it must have a Divine intervention. God waits for you to get at your miserable best and then throws a piece of chocolate at you. It is annoying and reassuring at the same time.

What is remarkable about this cycle is the fact that it never lets you get too full of yourself. It never lets you believe that you are riding on a high tide. It never makes you feel that you are important. You have almost no control over what might happen next. All you can do is keep yourself well-read and well-fed to take your next result. Even the positive results are not all sugar and cinnamon. One positive result opens up five different roads to further studies and then you have to choose your own by traveling a bit on each one of them.
By the time you are half way through, your research puts you on a leash and takes you wherever it wants to go. You just have to make sense out of what you get. :)

You can find a really interesting "thought for the day" ( which has been there for the last four months) in our chemistry lab. It says, ' Every dipole has its moment' and every time I read it I tell myself I am a dipole too!
I don't know where I am heading but everyday I know a bit more about myself and every positive result gets be closer to being best buddies with God. :)


शिरीष said...

Cheers! Sai I Cheer to your positivity. You have expressed yourself so well with those eleven questions.These questions always are on the surface when you are low.Whenever you get back to positivity they just vanish to the bottam of your mind as if they are not there.Again they start appearing till you have your next cycle of positivity.This goes on like day & night or like a sinocidal wave.

This is life let us accept it as God,s gift which puts you in your proper place.

Nikhil K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikhil K said...

I liked your self interrogation. It made me pause and think. And think a bit more than I had originally intended to, so much so that I actually came up with answers :). The answers deserve a full fledged post, so wait with bated breath till they go up on my blog.

And, wondrously, Wiki says hypsochromic shifts are also called 'blue' shifts. Do they always shift you into the blues? ;)

Saee said...

@ baba
I suppose I get my positivity from you. :)
@ Nikhil
Yeah I have my blue shifts now and then. :D
Will check out your blog soon.

Anonymous said...

hiya saeeee !

stumbled upon your blog :)
I don't think "re-search" has got anything to do with all those questions popping up in your mind ! If you notice carefully, most of them arise from being away from home and your friends (homesick, are we ?)

I am pretty shooor that they wouldn't have even occured to you had you been pursuing your pee-ah-dee in Pune university !!

@Re-search: Does it mean using google or to search ?!? :P I have turned into a skeptic. However, lets save that discussion for some evening at Mocha over a cup of coffee ... er, maybe an eeeeeear from now ? :P

guess who !

Saee said...

@ Anonymous
You sound like a girl and a guy at the same time and I am pretty sure you are someone I talk to everyday pretending to be someone else.
And Mocha! Wow..I really went to Mocha with just two people. And I am sure you are none of them.
So speak up!

Saee said...

It is Asmita?

Anonymous said...

You have gone to Mocha with just two people ! Damn ! That gave it away !
And yes, it _is_ me ! :D

I sound like a girl and a guy at the same time mhaNe !! maarla pahije tula :P

Saee said...

@ Asmita
God..why are you so secretive? huh?
How are you doing anyway? Are you still as pesky as you used to be? Or has Loooove changed you?

Anonymous said...

secretive ? was just trying to bug ya :P

and i am pesky as ever ! loooooove has just changed "him" into a patient, tolerant and nicer person ;) =))

catching up on your blog's comments is a sad thing to do. i will remember to take your chat ID from M and buzz ya soon.

anuja said...

hey Sae..

Reached ur blog thru a friend recomendation...

all the while readin ur blog only 1 song came to my mind..

Thats the way it is by Celine goes like this..

When you want it the most
There is no easy way out
When you are ready to go
And your heart is left in doubt
Dont give up on your faith
Love come to those who believe it...
And thats the way it is...

only thing..the word love is replacable with anything u want..