Thursday, June 28, 2007

Lets Gossip! =)

I have always seen men mock women for their characteristic interest in gossip.
Men think they are these really cool dudes. They portray themselves as tiny, uniform dots made with a pinpoint. They are especially conceited about the fact that they do not waste time in unwanted conversations. Whenever my group of friends gets together and the girls start off by listing the shortcomings of somebody not present at that time, my guy friends throw their hands up in the air. Then the girls get a lecture on how their friendship is riddled with malice and envy. Big deal!!
Gossip is extremely essential. If I had not indulged in gossip, the magnanimous manifestation of my personality would have been much shorter than it already is.
There are very few people in this world who do not go under the knife when it comes to my sarcasm. I am evil, malignant and irreligious. I accept it wholeheartedly and very cheerfully before I begin this dissertation, for I believe that if you are so bent on telling the truth you should tell the “complete truth”.

Gossip is the common name for what the dull gray psychologists call “catharsis”.
If drinking beet and tomato juice for all three meals detoxifies the body, gossip detoxifies the mind.
There are roughly two types of gossips. Let us call them “The Myopic Gossip” and the “Hypermetropic Gossip” or in easy words “Shortsighted Gossip” and “Longsighted Gossip”.
The shortsighted gossip goes on about the girl you commonly dislike. Having said that let me introduce you to a new concept. Like two average guys bond with each other better if they both support Manchester United, likewise two average girls bond better if the same girl gets on their nerves all the time. So the shortsighted gossip is about the girl that gets on your nerves. Every little thing she does to upset you is thoroughly discussed, debated upon and used to make serious character conclusions about her. It need not be the girl that all the gossiping women commonly loathe. If you are creative enough at descriptions you can get your gossip-buddies to hate anyone you hate yourself with all your heart. The positive side of shortsighted gossip is that when you talk about someone over the phone till your cell phone battery gets completely discharged it fills you with a sickening almost squalid guilt. Then you are not so mad or upset at the Gossipee and suddenly you are filled with a feeling of well being for her, which works in the long run.
It is a balancing act because as much as it gets the ill and the evil out of you, it also fills you up with a new found resolve for more humane consideration towards specimens that switch you off.

The longsighted gossip is really completely healthy. It is about the movie stars and the celebrities. I am an ardent longsighted gossip enthusiast. It does not fill me with even the slightest remorse or guilt that I spend time shuffling between the BBC and E! News all the time. I like knowing about all the celebrity link-ups. I like speculating about the probable success of a celebrity marriage. I like knowing how much Oprah Winfrey spends on her dogs every month. I like knowing the details of the rings celebrities buy for their girlfriends. I like knowing what kind of diet Beyonce Knowles is on right now and I also like knowing that Amitabh Bacchan goes for hair weaving all the time. Most of all, I like sharing all this information with my friends. There is an exquisite joy in sitting in some cozy café and talking about Rani Mukherjee’s weight gain or Aishwarya Rai’s fake giggles. It disconnects you from the boring realities of your own life and lets you into a world where you can say anything and get away with it. Crack jokes on people who hardly matter to you and have a good laugh to get your respiratory system revitalized.

When you are done, your heart is cleaned of all the vileness. You are innocent again. You get back to work; face your problems with new enthusiasm.
Women should not be ashamed of gossiping. I have seen and met many who just jump at any succulent piece of news and even add a few embellishments of their own just to deny everything in a different company and suddenly turn into these devout nuns. I think such kind of denial not only spoils the whole fun but also gives gossip a bad name.
There is however a thin line between leisurely gossip and turning yourself into an Ekta Kapoor vamp. It should not obsess you and give your dads and husbands (or YOU in case of the alpha woman) telephone bills that run in miles. At any given time you should have at least three people in your life you have never gossiped about and you never will. If you qualify the last few tests, then you are good to go and I welcome you to my club!
Gossip brings forth the lower stages of evolution of the mind. It frees us from excessive piety, excessive kindness and excessive loftiness. It can miraculously turn forty five year old moms into giggling schoolgirls. It can ease your clenched jaws after a long day at work with an irascible boss.
It also teaches you that the world is not an entirely good place. For when your eyes light up with things going on in other people’s lives that in no way are related to you somewhere you learn to accept the reality. That maybe somewhere in a similar cozy café someone might just be talking about YOU right now. You try and get yourself to become strong enough to chuckle and move on!! =)


RagingMars said...

hahaha!!! maja ali vachtana!! You have a great sense of humour!
Asa manapasun vagaire agree karte me tujhya saglya matannshi! You have given "gossip" the respect it deserved since long time!
Great work!
The matter is excellent.. so is the language and the vocabulary.

Saee said...

yeah..I knew you would like it. :)

neha said...

hehehe ;) ! true...
i feel that every single person on this earth loves gossiping or reading gossips ...that is very natural...but usually this word 'gossip' has a negative connotation...
good blog :) i liked the following line very much
If you are creative enough at descriptions you can get your gossip-buddies to hate anyone you hate yourself with all your heart.

thecompletehalf said...

Couldn't help but remember a movie i saw not very long ago......"Thank you for Smoking"

The protagonist is the chief spokesperson of the ciggrette companies and can spin a web of words as intertwining as yours to make the world believe that ciggrettes are cool....... :)

intendo said...

Aaj maine 2 baatein seekheen:

1. Har snack namkeen nahi hota.
2. Har gossip buri nahi hoti.

Excellent writing as always. All Hail!

'Tiny, uniform dot made with a pinpoint' !!
You could have used the word 'pricks' instead..:)

Here's some inside info for you. When girls start bitching about other girls, as bored as the guy may pretend to be, he's actually quite enjoying the conversation and is having a few silent laughs.

The problem begins when girls start discussing each other's hairstyles and clothes and start using the word 'cute' at the rate of 3 per sentence and start beginning their sentences with phrases like " And she was like...., and then i was like.... and then she said... and then i said .... "" and then increase the usage of the word 'cute' to 6 per sentence.

It is somewhere at this point of time that guys enter into a coma.


intendo said...

I like girls..

Peace !

Saee said...

@ Neha,
Does it bring back any specific school memories sweetheart? :P
@ Bond
I promise you that I wont use my word power ever to promote smoking!! =) Thanks
@ Sukhbir
I always knew guys must be enjoying listening to our is too entertaining!
Thanks. :)

jay said...

this post is great saee! :) in our lingo we call it "andar ki khabar"...and i believe there are certain people gifted with this special talent.

Mandar Gadre said...

excellent ! really liked this post.
but i agree with bond. you cant 'make' gossip look cool.

as the thing with the teen smoking fad goes, it were the smokers who were cool people and thats why smoking became a fashion. 'smoking' probably was never cool in itself. the (apparently) charming cool smokers did the job. you have also taken up gossiping because of some such cool friend of yours, maybe.

well whether they gossip or not, i just think girls are amazing ;) :)

shirish said...

Beautiful classification and justification of gossip.You rightely described gossip as "catharsis".Along with the blog I really enjoyed comments from
"the completehalf" and "intendo"

Kaustubh said...

kiti hi kahi hi jhala tari pori lai jast vayphal badbad kartat hoy....
nice blogs, keep goin :)