Will Conservation

A lot of my friends believe that we get a share of happiness and grief. God rations it to us when He stamps our passports. Something like, “Ah! Ms.Keskar! You will shortly land in a city called Kolhapur. Here is your share of Joy and here is your share of Sorrow! Use it wisely. Have a safe trip. Adios!” He waves at us with his good-natured granddadly smile until his peaceful face disappears in fluffy white clouds.
Mysteriously enough, all of us lose our memories of having collected it and appear on earth as wailing, helpless babies with nowhere to go.

I don’t believe really in the Joy and Sorrow part. It depends a lot after all on how we see the world and most of all how we see ourselves. I do believe that we get a constant share of determination and will.
I think God gives us a constant Will power and irrespective of the circumstances around us, we end up using it somewhere or the other.
I am very cautious while using it. I don’t like to waste my determination in getting really stupid things done.
For example, I never use it to keep a check on my expenses or even to write them down neatly in a tiny black notebook. I think if I do that I will eventually end up depressed because I would realize that I am a reckless squanderer.
I never use it to keep fasts. My life is bad enough with whatever I eat everyday.
I kind of prefer keeping all the Gods out of what I eat. I do not like to test my will by starving myself in the name of God. I think He likes me more when I snack on fresh apples and drink milk.
Neither do I use it to turn into a vegetarian or cut down on tea. I think an occasional fish curry and three cups of tea a day are extremely essential in my path towards being a successful human being.
I don’t waste it in trying to walk in stilettos either. When you wear really high heels, somehow your brain goes down into your shoes. Then you are completely oblivious to what people around you are saying as long as you walk beside them. It needs a lot more than I can ever offer!
I do not use it to argue about the shortest routes when I am in the passenger’s seat. People on the wheel have a supernatural arrogance. They are conceited about their navigational abilities. So I just shut up and let them take an anaconda drive through the city. Eventually they realize that they had shorter routes and I know that I had thought about them!
In fact I do not use my will to argue with anyone unless they brutally offend me in someway. Arguments take up big chunks of determination. So does a constant Anger. These are luxuries that very few people can afford!
I never use it to keep quite when I am with my best friends and I never use it to get myself talking when I am with boring people. I have never even thought about using it to be less mean or less sarcastic or more compassionate and kind. I know I will have to balance this Bad Karma in hell, but I am strong enough to take it.

I don’t know where I use all that saved energy but then I am happy that certain things about my life are completely decided and published. It has taken me twenty-four long years to optimize the flow of my determination. It has been a cold dizzying ride. Now I have those many less forks on the road trip that would continue for a freakishly long time.
Maybe there is some truth in the rationing of Joy and Sorrow story but organizing and expressing such useless concepts and feeling good about it is like going against that Law. =)
It creates a lot of happiness in my Life.