Sunday, July 22, 2007

Wrong Jobs and the people in my Life! =P

A few days back, my best friend Ameya suddenly wanted us to imagine what her life would have been as a Newsreader. She is actually a doctor working towards a postgraduate degree and sometimes the impending pressures of so much studying throw her into these fantasy bouts. She should have fantasized about something else, as she possesses all the talents to be the worst Newsreader Television could ever witness.
She speaks at the rate of about one hundred and eighty words per minute. So they would either have to put her on tranquilizers everyday or just bring in more news every hour.
She has this innate ability to go into these long, winding almost three dimensionally intricate descriptions of events. So her being on television would be like one of those Zen stories, where there is a TV inside a TV. Plus, I do not even vaguely remember her having shown up on time even during high school exams. So the breakfast news would be probably renamed as “The Brunch News with Ameya”.

My mom would have been a very bad judge. She is so innocent and gullible when it comes to stories people tell! She considers people to be completely honest and free of guile. So I have banged my fists on the table in vain a lot of times when she lent out money to almost every other guy with a sad story to tell. She believes people when they tell her diarrhea stories and take two days off and then reacts with an almost wonderstruck surprise when they show up with nicely written resignations at the end of the month and join our pesky competitors. She believes me when I tell her that my Benneton perfume costs a hundred and fifty rupees and I got my new Nike trainers for five hundred rupees. To selfishly maintain my advantage over her, I volunteer to do all her gym shopping and she very innocently believes that I am just being the ‘Ideal Daughter’. Needless to say, I would rather have my adorable mom than someone under a funny white wig!

My other best friend Pooja would probably be a very bad wildlife photographer.
She has all the qualities of a top-notch executive. So we always find her managing about ten different things at a time. She is always over-worked and busy but she manages to get everything done in the best possible manner. So imagining her waiting in some godforsaken jungle for the Cheetah to wake up and start running is very funny. She would want to go up to the Cheetah and poke him with a broken tree branch and ask him to get going so that she can take pictures and move on to the next jungle. Or if the poor beast doesn’t run to her satisfaction she would want to make arrangements to get people with flaming torches after him to get the desired speed and shots. She would probably call me from Africa telling me in a furious voice, “These stupid beasts they never seem to wake up! I can sense weeds growing out of my ears now and the two crocodiles are still dozing off! Damn it!”

My dad would have been a very bad doctor. He is infamous in our family for being forgetful. He walks from one room into the other and suddenly becomes blank and asks me, “ Why did I come here? I had to fetch something but I fail to recall the object now”.
So had he been a doctor, right after he finished stitching someone’s belly up, he would start wondering where on earth he put the scalpel. Then he would make all the nurses go under and around the operation table. To be on the safer side, they would all agree to open up the guy again and check before the anesthesia wore off. Just as they finish removing the stitches, my dad would reach into his gown for something else and come out rather gleefully and sheepishly with the missing scalpel. Or worse still, he would forget it completely and would be responsible for a world record for the oldest man alive with a scalpel stuck inside his spleen!

I think I would be eligible for the worst boss ever. I function really well when I take control of machines of any kind. I look after them nicely, keep them clean and calibrated and generally take pride in showing my lab off to others. I am sure however that if I am given that kind of control over people; I would turn into this selfish and explosively tyrannical boss. I would bring them to a point where they develop a permanent allergy to my presence and become melancholy and sad. I would point out the tiny speck of dust on the floor and to make them realize the value of cleanliness, I would myself clean it in front of them. I would turn paranoid everyday suspecting that the spectrometer is about half a centimeter to the left than where I had set it two days ago. I would become really competitive and reach office half an hour early to see if they all show up on time. I would stand right behind them when they are working on the LC and narrow my eyes when they perform critical operations to make them shiver and shudder out of fear.
Maybe that is why my mom has cunningly assigned me a job that puts me against myself.=)
I guess she isn’t such a bad judge after all! ;)


Pooja said...

Hey Sai, being really well acquainted to all the people described over here , I would really like to congratulate you not only about your writing skills but also for you observation skills. I could so relate to all that stuff [:)]...too good.....I would say even over here you have put yourself against yourself(monica style) just outperform yourself in every blog that you thats unlike me(writing that long of a comment)....lemme not take away Ameya's right [:P]....alrighty always....keep writing

Saee said...

Dear Pooj,
It means a lot when a comment comes from my best friend.=)
Thanks for all that praise..and such a long one at that..quite unlike you! =P
Love ya!!

shirish said...

सई माझे वर्णन हुबेहूब केले आहेस.
मी doctor झालो नाही तेच छान झाल!
भलतीच आफत आली असती.

Saee said...

Thanks baba!!
Unicode Zindabad..
Congratulations!! ;)

jay said...

ha ha ha! good one saee! :) to add on to this i cant stop imagining money as a KINDERGARTEN teacher!!! :) just imagine the amount of beatings each one is going to get! :) she gonna make them strong for sure.

PS: kaay money? what say? anywez i can suggest a name for the your nursery - "taekwon-do nursery" :P

Saee said...

LOL..yeah..Money has a lot of bad job options.. :P
She is currently our of internet but your message will be forwarded.
PS: For people who are trying to make sense..Money=Ameya,. Yeah weird combo I know, as Money and Ameya hardly stay together for a long period of time. :P

neha said...

hahaha good one !
brunch news with ameya.... hehe i hope she would atleast make it till brunch...nahitar pahili news ti dei paryanta dusra kahitari ghadaycha ...
even your description about pooj kaku and kaka is damn good :)...i can visualize everything and that makes it better !!
keep writing girl .....
luv ya

RagingMars said...

lol lol lol!!!! hahahahaha!!! The best part was Pooj pokin the cheetah to get up!!! I can imagine her in khaki shorts with a hat on her head, goin to the cheetah with a stick in one hand and the other hand held behind her back and poking him!!! I'm still laughin (aloud) as I wwrite this!!!! hahahaha!!!

RagingMars said...

This one's really very funny!! I can also imagine kaku's wonderstruck expression!!
Talkin abt u bein a boss....
You have another way to trouble people comin up in ur life... You r goin to be a room mate!!!!
May God help all those who will stay with you...
P.S.: If u r scared that ur would be room mate might read this and reject u before you finalise stayin wid her,feel free to delete this comment :P

Saee said...

@ Neha
Thanks buddy..ameya's claim to being a newsreader inspired all of we can imagine how bad she can be!
Thank you for all that praise..but I wish to make it clear that MY WAY of living is THE RIGHT WAY TO LIVE. 10 years down the line when you wipe your dainty glass table tops you'll realize how important it is. And I will make a GREAT roomie..they will all build charachter. :P

RagingMars said...

" wipe your dainty glass table tops". ME?? You REALLY think I'll wipe coffee mug marks off dainty table tops in my life ever???
I think glass tops look cuter with coffee mug marks and some crumbs on them :P

Saee said...

Yeah rite..tell me more.
Youre just jealous that I am more organized that you all are.
But the truth shall set me free and one day I will forgive all of you.
Amen. :P

RagingMars said...

:| organised?? wiping glass tops at home and in hotels makes you organised? ?!! hahaha!! I win!!!

sameer said...

hey chubby...have finally read ur blogs after persistant nagging from my girl..hehe u know her pretty well.
why am i not surprised on reading ur my view u always were a supertalent..and was gud to know abt pooja thru ur blogs cause i never really got a chance to know my 3rd angel...anyways keep up the nice work..u've got many fans to satisfy now...:)luv ya

Kaushal said...

LOL this was a fantastic read, Saee. And hey - sorry I noticed one of your comments on my blog only now!

Yes, those fitness tips were awesome but I'm going to re-read them. Forgot them all :D